It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
