Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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