Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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