I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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