I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
