Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
