So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
