I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
