I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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