this beer tastes like vomit already
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
