I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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