Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
