True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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