That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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