Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
