If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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