I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
