I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dignity is for republicans.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
