He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
