One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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