we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
