i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
