Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
