I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
