I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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