I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
