Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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