you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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