You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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