Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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