If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
