I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
