i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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