i permit you to call me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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