Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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