:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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