Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
