Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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