I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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