woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
