So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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