i just wanna soil my oats bro
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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