Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
