Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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