I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
