i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
