Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
