Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So much Jack, so little girl.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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