Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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