There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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