i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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