I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
