But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
